Well, hello! It’s been a long, long, long time since we talked!!!!! We definitely need to catch up- this last year has been a rollercoaster of emotions and changes. From feeling on top of the world after graduating college one week, to feeling inadequate the next, to going out of the country for the first time, and to getting out of a toxic romantic relationship – let’s just say that my mental health has been all over the place. Yeah… We’ll get into all that stuff later, I promise.
But today, I want to keep it simple and honest… I feel like a monster.
(That may be too honest). You may be wondering why I may feel this way. My answer? I don’t have an exact reason. It all goes back to my anxiety, which I have dealt with since I was quite young. I have always had the intense fear that I am pure evil- with no control over my thoughts and actions. Every mistake (small or large) reaffirms my negative voices that I am no good..
“Good To Me” on Lookbook
When I feel like I’ve disappointed others, it is extremely hard for me to get over it, which leads to the despair of a past mistake haunting me for years and years.
I speak of this because I know that I’m not alone– but you may understand somewhat about how I’m feeling. We live in a world of constant judgement and condemnation that, subconsciously, feeling incompetent and deranged is the new norm..
How can we cope?: I think the biggest way to do this is remembering that you are in control of your choices, even though it may not feel like it. It will never be easy, but its always important to tell yourself that ” I am not a monster”, and ” I have the choice to be who I want to be”. Saying affirmative statements like theses aid to quiet the negative thoughts that are constantly exasperating their opinions in the psyche.
It’s also imperative to remember that you are not designed to live by other people’s standards. There is no need to constantly prove to others your character. As long as you know that you are a decent human being, its not necessary to entertain the comments (or criticism) of another flawed individual.
Although getting past these feelings can be difficult, we’ll get through it. Our mental health takes a lot of maintenance, but we’ll survive if we take it day by day...
Well enough about me! How are you doing? Let’s talk life in the comments ❤
The Highly Expressive